Pico and Hans | Hans Scharler Comedy Stories

Hans' Quotable Quotes.

Do you have a paper or speech that needs a little spice? Here are some things that I said at one time or another that you can quote me on, just site me when you do.

"People steal money and things of value."

"I wasn't serious when I said that I wanted to be a woman."

"My dog says it best."

"Stew is a lucky person."

"I make people uncomfortable around me."

"Your name's not Dana?"

"Do we need clear specimen jars?"

"Call me crazy and you are?"

"I starred at something that looked like a clock for about an hour or was it?"

"I know what grave danger is."

"Gold fish are not worth their weight is gold. They are more like nickel fish if you ask me."

"No one ever asks me."

"Why are there so many tress falling with no one around?"

"Two words."

"I met a dog with a pretty bad bite. He didn't bark much with my arm in his mouth, so I don't know if it was worse or not."

"I don't look sexy dressed in black."

"Braille is just a bunch of dots to me."

"Copper tastes differently than pennies. What are they trying to pull?"

"I do a good impression of a silhouette."

"Straws are made to suck."

"Apparently, strong-arm is more than an expression."

"One day in the future it will be Thursday."

"Snakes come in all shapes, typically in a tube-like shape."

"I once saw a chameleon sitting on a mirror."

"How would the song, 'The 12 Days of Christmas,' change if the geese didn't like each other?"

"I got punched in the neck for saying, 'Yo quiero Taco Bell' to a person from Mexico."

"I once stayed for the hospitality."

"I developed a dance to make it rain. I call it the rain dance."

"Hindsight is still 20/20 after laser surgery."

"You can't under estimate the lowest bidder."

"I hate false teeth."

"I am glad that life is not one big true and false exam."

"When fighting a woman, apparently, anything above the belt is a warning shot."

"I am still impressed by nuclear fission."

"My mind wonders and I follow."

"Jaws, I can see, but Jaws 2?"

© Hans Scharler