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Invincible
Butt Sniffers.
Besides
doctors who win the lottery, do you know what is ironic?
Dogs. In particular their health. My dog drinks
from the toilet while I sip bottled water from a pure mountain
stream. He can eat a rotten chipmunk but the Surgeon General
suggests cooking steak until it’s unrecognizable. I have
to wear earmuffs but he rolls around in the snow completely
naked (spare the collar). And yet I get sick more often
than my dog does. Doesn’t this seem odd? My dog
once ate an entire Sears catalog. I got sick after accidentally
eating a napkin. Furthermore, I wash my hands after doing
any kind of activity that involves touching anything other than
a sterile cotton ball. Dogs, on the other hand, shove
their noses up each other’s butts! And if this weren’t
satisfying enough, they “clean” themselves by licking their
own parts. By what laws of nature does this work?
If something is so bad that they don’t want it on their genitalia,
then why in the world would they want to make a meal out of
it? And speaking of meals… Why do I require six
servings a day from the bread and cereal group while Sparky
eats dried pellets of horse by-products and he’s as happy as
a clam? (I can say this because I have several friends that
are clams.)
Forget
those tubeworms that live on the ocean floor, the common canine
is a real biological mystery. Do you know that I have
not once heard my dog complain about a headache? This
is pretty amazing since I get a headache at just the thought
of sniffing my mailman’s butt.
(Now
I’m talking about average mixed-breed dogs here. I am
aware of certain breeds that do have medical problems.
For example, my sister has a Cocker Spaniel and her right eye
keeps popping out (the dog’s eye, not my sister’s).)
I
hope that this article doesn’t set off any kind of revolutionary
lifestyle change for anyone. I don’t think I have anything
to worry about though, most people know that the Surgeon General
suggests cooking rotten chipmunk for at least five minutes on
each side.
©
Pico Twang
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