The NotHans Podcast » Life

Ted’s Burgers

Hans — Sat, 02 May 2009 04:59:50 +0000

“No Clowns, No Crowns…”

Ted’s Burgers is the latest sponsor of “The NotHans Podcast”. Ted is all personality. Every burger comes with a story, some trivia, or a compliment. Skip the drive-thru and say hi to Ted. Check out his advertisement on Episode 22.

Frank Dickens’ Petting Zoo

Hans — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 16:34:09 +0000

“The new Black Bear Exhibit is only open for approx. 2 hours daily.”

Stop on by Frank Dickens’ Petting Zoo, take route 40 to the intersection, and look for the sign that says, “Frank Dickens’ Petting Zoo”.

Incident free since 1998.

See you soon,

Frank Dickens, Proprietor of Frank Dickens’ Petting Zoo

Ask Hans: What is a prime number?

Hans — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 16:14:20 +0000

“Ask Hans” is a question grab bag. Send in your questions about anything - love, life, religion, politics, raisins, and Internet fraud.

Question:

Dear Hans,

What is a prime number?

Signed,
Carrie Daone

Answer:

Carrie,

To answer your question specifically, a prime number is any number that is only completely divisible by 1 and itself. For example, the number 5 is divisible by only 5 (itself) and 1 (1) without any remainder. Here’s another example: 715,225,741 is prime too. That one is obvious I know, but only 715,225,741 and 1 are divisors into 715,225,741. Naturally, prime numbers are the basis of almost all encryption that computers use to secure our transactions to eBay and Capital One. Optimus Prime was not a prime number but rather a transformer. 867-5309 is also prime. Who knew that Tommy Tutone was a mathematician? I can also tell by your question that you are having relationship problems.

Thanks for your question,
Hans

Two Story House For Sale

Hans — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 20:10:36 +0000

I have for sale a slightly used house. The house has 2 stories, one where a a guy died in the living room and the other where Edna spilled grape juice on my purple shag carpeting (it’s hardly noticeable). The kitchen has hardwood floors and the family room floor is completely bearskin. The basement is not included. The back yard has a bug zapper, a used tire for swinging, and a carcase of what we believe is a mongoose (the snake won this round). Sold as is. Serious inquires only. Kevin34Long

Word-a-Year 2008

Hans — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 23:42:11 +0000

This year’s word is…

tawdry – \TAW-dree\ – adjective

cheap and gaudy in appearance or quality

Joe and Brad found themselves in an unfamiliar section of Gaithersburg, walking by tawdry storefronts and shady bars.

Word-a-Year 2007

Hans — Mon, 01 Jan 2007 19:48:13 +0000

This year’s word is…

pusillanimous – \pyu-sê-læn-ê-mês\ – adjective

lacking courage

Hey Zeke, why did you act so pusillanimous in that situation?

Things I Love

Hans — Sat, 19 Dec 1998 23:19:17 +0000

I love artificial cherry flavoring, cardboard boxes with lids not flaps, cars that don’t break down, soup du jour, jumbo grade eggs, people who have an uncle or brother that has done everything, alien technology, animals with a drinking problem, generic greeting cards, grated cheeses, comfortable shoes, the green grass on the other side of the fence, the word “Polaroid”, small dogs, mild heart attacks, the smell of dry erase markers, coconut flavored anything, iced lattes, running around in circles, licking postage stamps, duct tape, marble cake, New York City, garter belts, electric hedge trimmers, finger/toe nail clippers, large cup holders, paper straws, the X-files, middle class athletes, women from Venus, TV, laid-back hippies, false stereotypes, circumnavigating the globe, dishpan hands, black electrical tape, cheese cake with strawberries, water coolers, baby corns, leather style wallets, mind expanding Tylenol, Velcro strap loafers, half-mast flag poles, fiddle playing, level headed people, the wheels on the bus that go round and round, whipped shaving cream, mutual funds, bag pipes, people tap dancing, Casual Sex (the movie), casual sex, grinders, heroes, hoagies, subs, the backs of mouse pads, foreigners, the smell of my R2-D2 eraser, the taste of my R2-D2 eraser, Kenny Roger’s Roasters, cork boards, the M-line, moon clocks, corduroy khakis, ginseng tea, grappling hooks, metric allen wrenches, two percent milk, croutons, those little lobster bibs, #2 yellow pencils, the previous channel button on my remote control, blurry porn, blurry French porn, tiny screws, things for a “limited time only,” impeachable offenses, hose clamps, the orange part of candy corn, nervous energy, instruction manuals, independent films, Chinese medicine balls, inflatable furniture, isopropyl rubbing alcohol, extra long Q-tips, my book of 101 hippie jokes, crevasses, food that contains maltodextrin, my Britney Spears MP3’s, and things that “crack” when heated.