Two Story House For Sale

I have for sale a slightly used house. The house has 2 stories, one where a a guy died in the living room and the other where Edna spilled grape juice on my purple shag carpeting (it’s hardly noticeable). The kitchen has hardwood floors and the family room floor is completely bearskin. The basement is not included. The back yard has a bug zapper, a used tire for swinging, and a carcase of what we believe is a mongoose (the snake won this round). Sold as is. Serious inquires only.