Things I Love

I love artificial cherry flavoring, cardboard boxes with lids not flaps, cars that don’t break down, soup du jour, jumbo grade eggs, people who have an uncle or brother that has done everything, alien technology, animals with a drinking problem, generic greeting cards, grated cheeses, comfortable shoes, the green grass on the other side of the fence, the word “Polaroid”, small dogs, mild heart attacks, the smell of dry erase markers, coconut flavored anything, iced lattes, running around in circles, licking postage stamps, duct tape, marble cake, New York City, garter belts, electric hedge trimmers, finger/toe nail clippers, large cup holders, paper straws, the X-files, middle class athletes, women from Venus, TV, laid-back hippies, false stereotypes, circumnavigating the globe, dishpan hands, black electrical tape, cheese cake with strawberries, water coolers, baby corns, leather style wallets, mind expanding Tylenol, Velcro strap loafers, half-mast flag poles, fiddle playing, level headed people, the wheels on the bus that go round and round, whipped shaving cream, mutual funds, bag pipes, people tap dancing, Casual Sex (the movie), casual sex, grinders, heroes, hoagies, subs, the backs of mouse pads, foreigners, the smell of my R2-D2 eraser, the taste of my R2-D2 eraser, Kenny Roger’s Roasters, cork boards, the M-line, moon clocks, corduroy khakis, ginseng tea, grappling hooks, metric allen wrenches, two percent milk, croutons, those little lobster bibs, #2 yellow pencils, the previous channel button on my remote control, blurry porn, blurry French porn, tiny screws, things for a “limited time only,” impeachable offenses, hose clamps, the orange part of candy corn, nervous energy, instruction manuals, independent films, Chinese medicine balls, inflatable furniture, isopropyl rubbing alcohol, extra long Q-tips, my book of 101 hippie jokes, crevasses, food that contains maltodextrin, my Britney Spears MP3’s, and things that “crack” when heated.

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